If there was only one new movie you plan to watch this summer, don’t waste your money on all the other rubbish released. Hancock was okay, That Dragon shit (It’s so ridiculous I can’t even be bothered to google it’s name), Shaolin girl looks to appease all the anime pedo’s with their typical ‘cute japanese girl in a short skirt speaking in a fake ‘sexy’ voice acting innocent and ignorant’. The only exception I can think of is the new Ben Stiller flick Tropic Thunder, and that, only because anything and everything by Ben is awesome.
Anyways back to Batman. So I hear steers and queers have been waiting for hours in line only to find that the show is sold out when they finally reach the front of the line at mid valley, the pavillion, klcc, and 1utama. Knowing well about the typical Malaysian attitude, I decided to watch it in a less popular joint, and needless to say, I was able to purchase awesome seats about 15 minutes before the show began.
The cinema itself was brand new in a new mall so everything was still in working condition, ranging from the air conditioning to the awesome seats (which in comparison to other cinemas would have been tormented by the drinks, food, and even syringes that patrons bring along). To safeguard the sanctity of this complex, and to ensure I would be able to watch flicks like Batman in a cinema with less than 15 people, I shall refrain from naming the complex, and disclosing it’s location.
Back to the movie, to be honest, I went in without expecting much. From experience, most of these hyped up movies, especially those based off of comic strips, are known to be disappointing. Honestly, Spiderman and the hulk were not particularly worth all the hype. Nothing really captivating nor keeping me thrilled the entire film. However, Im happy to report just as everyone else over the internet has mentioned, that it’s indeed a good movie.
It has all the usual requirements of a comic book hero, which can be summarised as the following:
Hero starts out as a normal person.
Hero suffers a significant loss, and is emotionally distressed.
Hero therefore decides to use his abilities for good and combat evil.
Hero saves the city but is viewed as a menace.
Meh
Bale (or better known as the nigger that played batman again) was a decent batman. Although his acting at certain scenes were pretty much defined as over doing, overall, him reprising batman was a good call by Christoper Nolan.
This movie, would not have been as good as it was without Heath ledger. It is a shame that we lost a man of his talent, because I doubt anyone else in the known world could possibly play this role better {with the exception of Ben Stiller, but again, we’re talking on a mortal level here}. I particularly enjoyed every scene with the Joker, and being a villain, ironically he turns out as nothing short of ineffable joy.
<3 XoXo Drool XoXo <3
I cannot reiterate enough times to make it clear how much this movie would suck if it wasn’t for the joker. To elucidate my case on why this movie would suck otherwise, here’s a couple of examples (to ensure you may ignore the scenes involving them, to save your sanity)
1) Rachel Dawes
Annoying Lil' Bitch
Jesus H. Christ, I cannot tell you how annoying this bitch was. Everytime she came unto the screen the hard on that I’ve gained from watching the Joker do his thing just dies off, as a matter of fact, it loses a permanent inch. Now my penis has shrunk so much and has practically created a small crater-like fovea which people are now mistaking for as a vagina or the massive camel-toe. Honestly I wish she would have died sooner, but unfortunately, they had to do it only halfway after the movie. I’ll be honest;
I was disappointed that she wasn't killed here already
This was a pretty devastating for me and I’m sure all the people in the cinema would have concurred (with the exception of the chink girls, but who cares what they think anyways). I was hoping the joker would rip her a new one but sadly batman had to be a bitch. Had she died then and there, half the people in the cinema would have ejaculated then and there. (Note: When the joker was on, everyone had a hard on, and not even the fugly face and the bad acting of that bitch could overcome the Joker’s awesomeness.
I’m sure you’re all wondering when exactly did I ejaculate? At the moment when Batman kicked the door open, only to reveal to the audience that he indeed wanted to save this nigger:
Nigger
Good choice by batman, I would have done the same. Had he not done this the bitch would have never died. Think about it, she’s not hot, she’s not even a good actor, why the hell is she even in this movie?
That’s about it, there was nothing else bad about the film. And I suppose that’s enough spoilers. Watch the movie, or castrate, no kill yourself.
Yours Humbly,
HypoG
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