The Shallow End Of The Mind

You may not know this, but from September 2011, most of my blog posts have been written on sick days. I say “most” because today is an almost-sick day, meaning I’m not sick enough to justify missing class, but I’m definitely not healthy enough to want to go either.

So, in the newly discovered tradition of blogging when I’m not in my proper senses, here’s a few updates on what’s been going on in my life.

1. Lent is almost over. I’d say it’s going well, seeing that I’ve not had the urge to lick myself in a feeble attempt to taste meat. Very unlike last year.

On the downside, I’ve had so much soy to eat for the past 5 weeks that I’m breathing estrogen, but the… ahem.. soft, curvy bits remain unchanged.

2. Internal Diseases has been awesome. The bees’ knees, I dare say. I mean the rotation, not actual internal diseases. The actual diseases suck muddy porcupine balls. Of course, it has EVERYTHING to do with my young, cute, adorably sweet, English-speaking teacher. He makes me want to sit and read about electron transfer in mitochondria and the influence of the cyclooxygenase pathway in the clotting system. My uni should learn from this and hire teachers who didn’t have to take a break from their education to serve in World War II.

3. Moscow still has snow and subzero temperatures. You’d think that I’ll be used to it after 7 winters, but no. I still bitch and moan about it like a whiny kid. It doesn’t help that people are doing things like parading about in their underwear while I’m trying to convince myself that I can wear a thinner jacket without feeling like my arms are going to fall off.

That’s about it, really. I’m sorry this is so dull. Here’s a picture of a hairless guinea pig to make up for all the time you just wasted.

Hairless Guinea Pig @ Skinny Pig

How NOT To Tackle Exams

For the first time in two weeks, I’m up before the sun is. Seeing that sunrise is at 9.54a.m., you know what I’m getting at. I wish I could say it’s because I’m hard at work, drinking in page upon page of my Surgery textbook, but the truth is, my friends and I have never been this lazy before an exam, especially not one this important.

Today is the day I attempt to do work instead of sitting around like a House-addicted twat (yeah, I know. The show’s not even cool anymore.)

But before I do that, let me pull some wisdom out of my bum and tell you how NOT to prepare for important state exams that determine your future.

1. Get At Least 10 Hours’ Sleep

I’m usually a person who only needs about 5-6 hours of sleep and some coffee to function somewhat well. While I was happy that classes were over and I wouldn’t have to wake up before birds did, I was confident I wouldn’t sleep more than the luxurious 7 hours I normally give myself on weekends.

What rubbish.

My body has been a pathetic disappointment. I’ve been sleeping at 5a.m. and waking up at 2p.m., followed by a 90-minute nap after brushing my teeth and reading the news. Add my chores like cooking and laundry to my day and I’m left with very little time with the books.

2. Eat Lots

This is my procrastination method of choice. I could read while snacking or having tea, but this person who used to sneak a book to the dining table as a kid now has issues with reading and eating at the same time. Let me give you an example of how I use eating to ruin my chances at a decent exam results AND fitting into a Karen Millen dress:

2p.m. – Roll out of bed

2.10- Weigh out the pros and cons of my breakfast options while reading tweets and Facebook notifications

2.30 – Have breakfast

3p.m. – Brush teeth and make myself look generally presentable for human interaction.

3.30 – Realise that I could’ve had lunch as soon as I woke up. I mean, it’s the afternoon, right? It makes perfect sense.

3.35 – Surf the Net for lunch recipes that are healthy and not boring.

4.30 – Decide that everything on the Internet is too fancy and settle on making anything that has the chili supply of a small country in its gravy.

4.35 – Have a cup of coffee and biscuits before I begin cooking (you know, because cooking is such a taxing task and breakfast may not be able to sustain me till I’m done.)

5 p.m. – Start cooking.

6.30 – Have lunch

7p.m. – Have tea and Kinder Bueno for dessert

7.20 – Hang out with friends while food makes its way down the GI tract.

8p.m. – Have coffee so I can stay awake to study

8.30 – Realise that it’s late enough to have dinner…

You can see where I’m going with this, right?

3. Live On Social Networking Sites.

Imagine Twitter is a bright shiny thing. Well, I’m the fucking magpie that keeps flying to it. I swear, the tab is always open and I check Heck, if Twitter were a person, they would have a restraining order out for me. What’s worse, I talk to my roommates about tweets I find funny. I bet they’re looking for a Twitterholics Anonymous in Moscow or something.

4. Find New/Interesting/Creative Music Videos On Youtube

Every time I have an exam, I create a playlist of about 400 songs that I’ll never be able to listen in one sitting because I have the attention span of a goldfish with ADD. This year is no different, except that I’m a little bored with the songs on my iTunes and the world is not coming out with anything worth listening to. Thankfully, the good people I follow on Twitter sometimes share music links. While I may not like the song they’re sharing, the related videos featured on the page may have some gems. Here are my current top three favourites:

1. Utah Saints – Something Good
( I prefer the High Contrast remix, but this video is pretty cute)

2. David Armand (as Johann Lippowitz) and Natalie Imbruglia – Torn

3. Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know

Okay, I probably should use my burst of early morning energy to read about pancre….Oh, new tweet! Gotta go.

Frayed Nerves

I’ve been pretty good, I’d say. I’ve not written a rubbish post since May. Of course, this also means I’ve only been blogging like, once a month, proving once and for all that writing would’ve been a horrible career option for me.

It’s been ages since I wrote random rubbish, so here we go!

A few weeks back, we had our Occupational Diseases’ cycle. The guy from The Making Out Couple was there. If you don’t know this, I hate him. He’s an annoying apple polisher who makes out with his girlfriend pretty much any time the teacher is not looking. Bastard. This time around, he was sans girlfriend and looked really skinny.The vampire-loving ones in my group decided that he looked like Edward Cullen, making him cute (I still can’t remember whether that’s the actor’s name or the fictional character’s, so you can tell that was two fucks I didn’t care about.)

To top it off, he was fucking the class up. I wasn’t over the moon or anything, but it certainly felt better to see the teacher get exasperated with him rather than call him brilliant and all that other junk. I know, I know. I’m SUCH a petty bitch and all that. Let’s continue.

Turns out, this slump lasted all of two days. He was back on form after the weekend and aced the class like he’s been doing since he could babble coherently or something. You must be wondering why I despised some guy I’ve never even spoken to. Trust me, I was wondering the same. Seriously, what was it about this guy that made me want to kick him in the shin?

I found my answer on the last day. Turns out, he wants to be a neurosurgeon. I have nothing against neurosurgery, just the surgeons. They all seem to be cocky bastards who look down upon others. This awful personality is not something that comes instantly once they become neurosurgeons; it’s something that takes form and develops from med school just so they’re the right degree of syphilitic cunt by the time they’re done specialising.

I’m not usually this big on stereotypes, especially when it’s merely an observation made by me and my roommate about a few people we know. I’m probably wrong. I’m sure there are some nice ones out…oh, look! Is that a zebronkey trotting down the street?

It’s May. Let The Mistake Making Begin!

Clearly I’m a random sort of person and at the rate I’m going, I may graduate before I write something proper. So here’s some stuff I sifted out of my head.

1. Forensic Medicine classes have begun. My major plan to ace this one is to download and watch as many episodes of CSI my puny little laptop is capable of holding.

2. The Malaysian Students’ Annual Dinner is in two days. The past weekend was spent consuming fajitas, burgers, fried chicken, loads of fries, moist chocolate cake covered in melted white chocolate, and enough barbecued meat to make up a decent sized lamb leg. I might as well just go wearing a saree.

3. Speaking of barbecued meat, I had such a great time at a barbecue party on Labour Day that I’m still raving about it. I don’t know whether it was the different company, the wonderful food or the fact that every beverage I had between 11a.m. and 9p.m. was alcoholic, but it KICKED ASS.

4.Exams are in a month. Seeing that I did crappily in the one paper everyone said was as easy as Paris Hilton, I’m already worried about this semester’s papers because they’re all hard. Am I doing anything to reduce my worry? Nah, I’ve got a month.

5. My term as a glorified letter writer is coming to an end. I am over the moon about this. My heart is singing and the birds are dancing to the melodies playing in my soul. I’m exaggerating, of course. I barely did enough to warrant such joy. The work I did this past year makes the previous secretary look like a rabid workaholic. Or maybe he just is a rabid workaholic and I’m normal. Either way, I’ll be done and I can go back to my quiet life of ignorance and sloth.

That’s all folks!

Rinne, Highmore and Kiesselbach

(This was written 5 days ago, in a lecture I had no intention of paying attention to)

It’s amazing how some lectures inspire me to write anything but its related notes.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I completed my ENT cycle, and you would think that I’ve moved on. No, I wouldn’t be me if I move on sooner than 6 months. Besides, I promised myself that I’d write (read: bitch) about this subject, and by golly I will.

ENT as a subject by itself isn’t so bad. It’s when it is a subject in my University that things go downhill. Other departments start classes at 9 in the morning, this one starts it at 8.30, sharp. When you live on little sleep and it takes almost an hour to get to the hospital, that half an hour matters. Not a single professor is understanding (i.e. lenient, a slacker..not anal). All of them were in school during World War II, not all of them are fully present now, if you get what I mean.

The two things that bothered me the most were the dress code and the exams. It’s compulsory for us to dress in office wear. Sure, I have shirts and blouses and junk like that, but those things require ironing and using starch and whatnot, effectively killing about 15 minutes of sleep time. I’m more of a roll-out-of-bed-and-pull-on-a-hoodie-and-remember-to-wear-jeans sort of person. You can see how this was going to cramp my style, or the lack thereof.

Then there’s the exam. That bugger was going to be at the end of the cycle. Two miserable weeks to learn EVERYTHING there is to know about the ear, nose and throat. Okay, I’m going a little too far; two God-forsaken weeks to learn ALMOST everything there is to know about the ear, nose and throat.

I’m sure I would have been able to take things in stride if I had not seen my roommate during her ENT cycle last year. She wasn’t my roommate during that period of time; she was a zombie who went for class, came home, studied, had a meal, and slept for about 4 to 5 hours daily. These activities were not necessarily done in that order. Needless to say, watching her made me scared. Shitless.

Truth be told, the two weeks went by fast. I spent every single day being petrified. The only problem was, all that fear didn’t even come close to making me study as hard as I should have. I pretty much just listened to lectures and my professor (who drilled it into our heads that we were going to fail with the horse poop knowledge we had).

The day of the exam was a killer. The exam was divided in two parts: practical skills and theoretical knowledge.

I was fearing the worst because THEORETICALLY, I knew how to examine a patient, but my partner, Anna has a super sensitive gag reflex ( I see the possible humour. Don’t.) and it was virtually impossible for me to perform a posterior rhinoscopy and pharyngoscopy. I knew what I was supposed to see, I’d just never actually seen it before. Thankfully, the patient given to me was easy to deal with and the techniques I had to demonstrate had nothing to do with reflexes of any kind. I survived Part One.

Part Two was my next hurdle, because I knew practically nothing. At least, it felt that way at the time. In Russia, most departments have a list of exam questions prepared for the students. This list is usually up on a notice board, or students are given a copy of these questions. It’s a little hard to explain, but the summary is if a student has managed to find the answers for all the questions on the list, they’ve pretty much studied everything.

The ENT department gave us a list of 95 questions at the beginning of the cycle. Out of these 95 questions, only two will be asked along with a case question.Each student gets a different set of questions. Naturally, being me, I only prepared exactly four answers. FOUR. Out of ninety-five.

Obviously, the odds were against me. I don’t know how it happened, but thankfully my first question was one of the four that I had prepared, my second question was about rhinogenic meningitis (which was the question that I specifically declared wouldn’t be asked because the occurence was so rare) and my case was about a nosebleed. I didn’t choke and die while answering my questions. Okay, I choked a little, because answering in Russian will probably never stop being scary to me.

Of course, now I look back and think that it wasn’t so bad. Clearly, I don’t remember all the details anymore.

Irregularly Irregular

I could write a whole post on my futile attempts to buy Corteo tickets, but that will probably just make me super bummed. It’s bad enough the damned adverts are plastered in almost every Metro station I go to.

Instead, I shall humour myself (and possibly you) with my soliloquy.

1. The 25th birthday was pretty awesome. There was cake, gifts, ice cream, booze and karaoke. All in that order.

2. For ONCE, I have a really cute, sweet, young, male teacher for a two-week cycle. Have I mentioned that I LOVE November?

3. Snow’s not here yet, and the weather has been pretty decent. I wouldn’t mind the current situation dragging its feet for a while. At least, my pedometer is being put to good use again.

4. There’s a lot to say, but sometimes I don’t know what to say to whom, so it’s probably safer to say nothing to no one.

5. I still need something to excite me. The need is apparently so great that I’ve had dreams of  roller-coasters and Flying Fox. I’m sure being scared out of my mind will do the trick, though.

That’s all, folks!

Too Late For HNT

If you think I’m on a blogging spree, you’re wrong. I’m just procrastinating. That is supposed to explain this set of randoms.

  1. I’m supposed to be doing my Psychiatry patient history. It’s not long, it’s in English and I seem to be taking forever. I keep thinking that my teacher is going do a mini evaluation on me based on how I present this history. How self-absorbed am I, eh?
  2. I’ve recently (i.e. yesterday) started watching Californication. It’s Abilash’s fault, really. He said there was this show with a lot of sex in it. I jest! Not about what he said, but the influence of his words. Anyway, I downloaded the first season, and I like it. While there are too many boobies for my taste (truth: they have made me even more self-conscious than before) and the lines are pretty vulgar, the story is a nice one. I want to hate Hank Moody (played by David Duchovny) for being a drunken ass-hat with a dick that might as well have an “Occupied” sign hanging off it, but he has principles in the weirdest of ways. Can I relate? No, I have no principles.
  3. I’m about a decade late, but I seem to have a teensy, almost non-existent fan-girl crush on Rivers Cuomo of Weezer. If we were in high school together, I’d totally want to hit that. He’s adorkable, if possible at the age of 40. Needless to say, I’ve been listening to old Weezer songs, and reminiscing about the good old days when songs weren’t about auto-tune and paying royalties to other artistes.

Next time: Nathan Fillion, crap Russian weather, and the desire to eat a shaurma every time my tight jeans start fitting me right.

Far and Wide

My womanly post is half done, it’ll get here somehow. Today is another set of nonsense.

  1. Infectious Diseases’ cycle is done. Thank God. What kind of mutated person can speak for 3 hours non-friggin’-stop? There are some neurons that I’ve written eulogies for already.

    A Place Where Even Insanity is Contagious

  2. There’s this Nike pedometer thingy on my new iPod and when it syncs with the Nike+Active thingy, it has this cool point system which correlates to the number of steps I’ve walked. Being an air-headed bimbo, it totally made me want to walk till I got enough points to virtually cross the Brooklyn Bridge. Because something like this may make my jiggly finally go away, Fate decided to let it rain the whole day.

    "New York" Here I Come!

  3. Gynaecology cycle has begun. I observed a few normal vaginal examinations. One word: OUCH! Why are all the instruments so big, metallic and scary looking?!! I’m totally not looking forward to my first gynae appointment, which probably should be soon. Is it too late for a sex change?

    Say, "AAAARRRHHHHHH!!!!!"

Okay, I’m done for today.

No One Jumps Into a Pile of Books, Right?

Am I awesome or what? My exams are in four days, I have 23 topics to study and here I am, happily blogging away for the five people who visit this place. I suppose I’m sort of due for an update, and blogging is a nice way to procrastinate.

  1. I took part in the student body elections that I found dodgy and boring. Don’t ask how, don’t ask why. All I know is that I’m the glorified letter-writer for the next 8 to 10 months.
  2. I’m done with my cycles for 4th year. I’m sure I would’ve gotten more done with proper time management and discipline, but 4th year has definitely given me more sleep-time than 3rd year ever offered. Imagine, I’ve had caffeine-free days this academic year!
  3. Hot water has been shut off for a week and will only return to our faucets on the 8th of June. I attempted having a cold shower, and now I am convinced my ovaries look like raisins. Thankfully, it’s warm now and there’s no need to boil large amounts of water to mix with the ice-cold water we’ve been getting.
  4. I am worried about my exams, especially Neurology. If Anatomy was my bane in 1st year, Neurology is my personal leprosy. My last resort is to offer my cousin Hera to the department as a research subject in return for a passing mark.
  5. Summer electives begin two days after my last exam. The hospital is in some God-forsaken part of Moscow, on my least favourite Metro line. No worries, ONLY six bloody weeks.
  6. Been having strange ideas relating to photography. Coming from me, this is silly because the only thing I’m worse at than photography is taking care of plants. Thanks to these ideas, I’ve been on Deviantart a lot. After all this browsing, I only have one question: why are most ‘Artistic Nude’ entries photos of either nude girls or nude girls making out with each other?

If we’re lucky, the next post won’t be all about me.

May I Have February Back, Please?

Today is probably not the best day to blog, seeing that not much has turned out the way I wanted it to. I’d like to dismiss it as April being a crappy month, but compared to what December usually has to offer, I’m doing great.

Therapy is over. To be perfectly honest, although I bitch about it a lot, I have a lot of fun during that cycle. It has a top-of-a-rollercoaster sort of feel to it. There’s always that tiny corner in yourself that knows that you could get screwed.

Currently, OZIZ is going on. So far, it’s been Add.Math statistics and one lecture about the Russian population. Thankfully, classes are on campus, which is a 15 minute walk so I don’t mind the cycle feeling pointless. Unfortunately,the lecture was not relate-able and my lecture notes ended up being this:

As for the statistics, I’ve never been disciplined when there’s any form of math involved, so most of my work looks like a cat barfed up numbers on to a page. My teacher did mention something about a test to get the cycle credit, which translates to, “Must decipher cat barf”. Hoorah.

It’s kinda sad that nothing much is happening besides classes, groceries and laundry. It’s even sadder still that I have no groceries and my laundry is taking up 80% of the space under my bed. The saddest of all: I think it’s perfectly fine to blog about it.

Logic dictates that I delete this post and forget that I ever typed it. But I tend to believe that stuff I write is pure gold, so logic can go suck it.

That last sentence may or may not be a joke. Such is how lousy today has been.