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You know, the ONLY way to properly celebrate your birthday is with plenty of booze and hot women. Anything else is nothing short of an EPIC FAIL. Sadly, I celebrated my 25th with none of those. There was no booze, there were no babes, and frankly, it went by pretty well.

The day prior to my birthday was the last day of the semester, the last class of the forensics cycle, and everything should have gone smoothly. This was until only two people managed to collect their credits because everybody else bombed their final MCQ Test. If that wasn’t a good sign for the great things to come, not entirely sure what is.

The next day, the morning of my birthday Shorty comes down early to my room. Apparently he was serious when he said he wanted to run in a marathon for a local charity event. Naturally, I felt he was a bit out of his mind (not the part about him running, but the part about him inviting me to run with him). Anuisafag being nosy, decided to tag along as well.

So anyways, when I reached the park where the run was to be held, it was stated that there were 3 options to choose from, 1KM, 3KM and 5KM. Shorty wanted to do 5km, but kinda pitied the rest of us and said he’d just take the shorter distance so we don’t feel left behind. I suggested we go for 1KM because that actually sounds do-able. They insisted on 3KM, I wasn’t entirely sure, but then this girl standing next to me signed up for 5KM so my penis didn’t allow me to sign up for 1km, so I opted for 3KM.

Yeah, that’s her, right after she signed up for 5KM. Shorty scored with her but that is a story for another day, yes.

Prior to the run there was a lot of cam-whoring. I was interviewed by some TV Channel, but I doubt it was ever aired because Anuisafag tried so hard to squeeze her face into the shot.

This is the RSMU Representatives. Note however I was sponsored by the Raifaizen Bank because I’m just that awesome (I kinda asked one of the bank reps to gimmie a cap).

We’re off, the run begins, everybody is running, and I realized, I’m in deep shit, what the fuck am I doing. In my mind, I kept thinking, I’m going to be last, I’m going to be last, I’M GOING TO BE LAAAAAAAST. 5 minutes later, I kind of changed my mind. I felt that in the 5 mins that has passed, things have changed. Now I’m thinking, I’m not going to finish, I’m not going to finish, I’M NOT GOING TO FINISH.

3KM may not seem like a big number, but it was pretty difficult for me. I’m not an athlete nor do I even like moving. It was a new experience, and it was, I suppose interesting. It really took a toll on me. I am pretty much allergic to pollen, and the entire run I was sure I was taking in a shit-load of it. I had some difficulty breathing, but not the kind where you see in the biggest loser. It’s hard to explain, but it’s not because of fatigue or because of pushing yourself to the limit. It was more of a god my lungs are going to collapse kind of thing.

Run fat boy run. There is cake at the end. I promise.

Towards the last 100 metre there was a photographer. I was struggling, but I felt in the spirit of good sportsmanship, I should pose for a picture. Unfortunately, I wasn’t exactly in a position to pose well, so the picture turned out rather nasty. However, since I’m not affected by how bad I look, I’ll put it up for you to gawk at.

I was glad I finished the run, and this might be a laughing matter, but I clocked in at 20:00 minutes. The winner of this run finished at 12 minutes. I didn’t have any previous runs to compare this with (well obviously, kinda happens when you live a sedentary lifestyle), so I figured it’s a good start. The finish line is actually the place where the 5KM people come and turn around for the last 1 KM, much like a lap so to speak. The front runner of the 5KM made this lap at 16 minutes, yes, that’s right, the front runner of the 5KM race ran 4KM faster than I ran 3 KM, and he finished his 5 KM run in 19 minutes.

This might apparently be an annual event but knowing me I won’t be going. However, I have a feeling there will be a knock on my door on the morning of the run telling me to get my fat arse ready to go.

P.S. Yes, I did NOT finish last!

Ask any friend of mine, and they’ll tell you that I’m one of the biggest cheapskates that they can think of. Some would even go as far as saying, much worse from the average Malayalee.

To quote an example, a friend was selling his iPhone 3GS to upgrade to iPhone 4, and I offered him RM 500. One point in time, Megafon was offering 100 years validity for 150 rubbles? Worried that my great-great grand kids might not be able to benefit from this, I extended my cell number validity for 200 years. It’s not like I’m trying to be frugal or maximizing my budget because heaven knows I can splurge like a woman when it comes to it.

Ensuring my great grand kids can benefit from the extended validity.

Here is photographic evidence of how much of a cheapskate I can be. Over the years of studying here in Moscow I’ve collected several “trophies” for my achievements.

Click pictures for enlargement!

All my discount cards in their full glory under proper lighting.

  The first card I ever procured. A discount card for the nearby Sinbad Restaurant. The card is useless now as discount is given to everybody and no longer the elite few.

The second card I procured in the first year of school. The card is no longer valid because Ramstor was taken over by Auchan city. This card allowed special discounts on certain products on specific days. If I recall correctly, fruits and vegetables went cheap at Ramstor on tuesdays or thursdays.

 

Another card for a grocery store. It allows access to prices for club members for certain goods. There is also a point collection system but what it could be used for remains a mystery!

 

Here’s a card I don’t utilize too often. This is the Malina card that can be used at most of their partner outlets including TGIF, IlPatio, Planet Sushi, etc etc.

This is the sportsmaster club card. Basically they sell sporting goods, and the card allows some point collection and shit, together with discounts on certain goods. I’m such a cheapskate, I have this card, despite not playing nor excelling at sports.

This card is courtesy of AnuIsAFag. She often brings me to this shop nearby the hostel that sells toiletries. The prices aren’t that great, but the selection is pretty big. This card offers some discount for metrosexual faggots and women.

 

The Stockman membership card. Stockman could be called a grocery store/department store that caters towards upper class Russians and expatriates.Elitists such as myself frequent this store often, so it’s a good thing to have.

 

This is my favourite card. This is for the franchise Quick-Burger. Their burger selection isn’t great, but they have this wonderful lava-cake desserts called Flan. It is the most amazing thing you would have ever had the opportunity of tasting. For poor people who can’t afford Gordan Ramsey cuisine, this will do. The card offers a 15% discount.

 

This is a gold member card for the pub/restaurant known as the Red Bridge. Excellent atmosphere to catch the world cup games if you have the time. Prices are decent, and one female waitress is fucking hot. Card offers a 10% discount.

 

This is a discount card for the Sushi/Italian restaurant down the street near the hostel. Personally I’ve never been to the Italian place on the second floor, but I find myself frequenting the sushi place pretty often. I don’t even like Sushi. Card provides a lousy 5% discount.

 

Marks and Spencer shoppers card. Only ever used once, and even then not by me. Not entirely sure what it does, but I would imagine discount on selected goods and a point based redemption system.

 

Not a discount card per-say but this card will give you a 600 rubble gift certificate if you get sushi delivered to you for 6 times. It’s not all that bad considering, since you only need 700 rubbles of sushi per delivery and you could easily reach that amount by sharing delivery with a few of your friends. I don’t care so much for sushi so I just settle for the tempura chicken stuff with some teriyaki chicken and rice.

I have several more cards that I’ve collected over the years. I also have an IKEA Family card that AnuIsAFag is utilizing at the moment, so I was not able to take a snapshot of that. Various other cards were lost over the years in the abysmal chasm that is known as my room. Alas this is all that remains.

Cheapskates for a better future.