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The following is the first installment of a series called The Cherub. The authenticity of it’s relation towards the real life of the author is left to the reader to speculate.

“Oh shit!” I vociferated, “Not again, not today, Oh God, please not today!” The alarm clock ticks closer to 8 a.m., the sound of the gears ticking grows away louder in my head, as if to signify the impending doom. It was imminent, painfully obvious, I was about to get fucked.

I jumped into the shower, without a moment to lose, to get myself looking presentable for class. Getting ready was no simple task. There was a throbbing pain between my legs, screaming for attention, for the cold air-conditioned room I spent the night in did nothing but boost my virility. I went to the extent of taking a good 2 minutes thinking about my options. Suddenly, it struck me, “You Idiot, you’re already late, and you’re wasting time thinking about satiating yourself!” I hit myself in the head and jumped into the shower, my vivacious friend would just have to wait for evening to come. I assured myself it’s zest for life would be rewarded later. I thought to myself, if only I had such zeal.

It took a good 10 minutes to get myself ready, albeit frantically, everything in a rush. I stared at the alarm clock that stood silently on the shelf next to my bed. This was not the first time I failed to wake up to it’s ring, and I was sure it would not be the last. It seems that without a good 4 hours of sleep, not even an earthquake could wake me from my deep slumber. Needless to say, the time was already 8:15 a.m. and I was late. Not that I am usually punctual nor early, but today, today was not a day I could afford to be late.

I grabbed my backpack, filled it with everything I worked on last night, and rushed out of my room, straight downstairs. In my haste, I forgot that the alarm system of my house was still secured, and instead unlocked the main grill-door and proceeded to move towards the porch. I unlocked the main gate, and turned off the alarm system of my car, and got into the driver seat. I placed the key into the ignition and BAAAAAAAAAAM; A loud siren was ringing, startling me, prompting me to hit my head on the roof of my car.

The alarm system installed in my house was triggered. There was a 20 second grace period allowed for you to input a special code into the terminal to disable the alarm. Naturally I forgot. Having succesfully fighting the urge to pee and defecate all over my pants, I grunted “Fucking hell”, and rushed back inside, with hopes of turning the alarm off, and driving away before it gets my dad, who no-doubt now wide awake, come downstairs and gives me a piece of his mind, before slapping some ‘sense’ into me as he would put it.

I opened the keypad for the alarm console terminal and tried remembering the code, 2….5…..7….9….*. The terminal beeped 3 times to indicate a succesfully entered pin code. I quickly closed the keypad, locked the main door, and ran into the porch. The time was already 8:30 a.m. I was already half an hour late, I had no more time to spare, not after everything that just happened.

I jumped back into the drivers seat of my car and turned the ignition. The car engine roared alive, I floored the clutch, and pushed the gearbox into 1, and hit the accelerator. Again, the engine roared fiercely, and began to take motion, where suddenly with a brief chuckle, died. There was silence, the 2.4 litre V8 died down quietly, without a trace of the full potential of it’s power; but I knew exactly what was wrong, and I was furious. The early dew drops and ambient temperature is not optimal for the engine to function. It’s too cold for internal combustion, well at least for engines without a ‘choke’ function. I sighed, and turned the ignition yet again.

After giving the engine a good 5 minutes to heat up, off I went, towards class. I knew what to expect on the way there, what else, but traffic. My house is located near 4 schools, and on my way towards the highway, I have to pass 2 of them. Naturally, the entire road towards the school is filled with parents trying to get their kids to school on time. Fortunately for me, It was already 8:40, and schools start at 7:30. The roads leading towards the highway was pretty empty, with the occasional car filled with a parent sending their kid to school a tad late. That was the least of my concern, I rushed towards the highway left with two options.

I could, on one hand take a direct connection into the highway, pay a toll of RM 1.50 and face traffic all the way towards my exit, or take an alternative route, that is slightly long-winded, but enters the highway at a further point, without the toll. The cheapskate in me could not be conquered, I rationalized, “Well considering the traffic the entire stretch, it would be better to enter the highway further down.” Off I went, taking the toll-free passage. Went through the usual traffic and about 10 minutes later got into the highway. The highway is my personal play-ground, I can swerve through lanes, overtake using the emergency lane, and do all sort of rash driving without concern for my personal safety, nor the other users of the road. Something about the foolishly young feeling immortal and racer-ish behind their souped-up cars. But no matter, it took all of 20 minutes to manage myself through heavy traffic, making illegal turns, and using illegal lanes, overtaking during any chance I get, to beat rush-hour traffic. Everybody had somewhere to go, but my problem seemed the most important.

When I finally reached my destination, all the good parking spots were taken, naturally, considering the time. I found some backalley, with a row of cars parked, with space for one more. I squeezed the car into the notch and parked it perfectly. I hit the switch to fold my side view mirrors, as to ensure passerby and cars alike do not hit it and have ample room to move. I grabbed my backpack, and rushed for class. I entered campus and was stopped by the guard at his outpost. The same guard that without a doubt, sees me daily, entering campus. It’s not that I was popular, just that I was so striking it was impossible not to notice me. I had a weird hair colour, dressed funny, and was always late.

The guard grunted “Where is your Student ID Card, boy” while his hand traces a shape of a square card in the air. I politely pleaded, “Uncle, I’m very late already, please, I have it somewhere, but I do not have the time to search for it. Please let me through, I’ll show it to you later, okay?”

“Nothing doing, boy! If I let you through with that excuse, then I’ll have to let every other Tom Dick and Harry through. If you do not show me your ID card, you may not pass”, he cruelly dejected. “Fine”, I yelled, losing any and all patience left in me. I scanned by messy backpack for it, hoping it was somewhere there. Thank heavens it was wedged between my books in a corner of my pack. “There, happy!?”, I yelled. “Yes, next time, wear it around your neck, and we won’t have this problem.”, the guard replied, almost as if begging me to lay the smack-eth down on him.

“No matter”, I thought to myself as I hurried towards the staircase. My classroom was on the fourth floor, and I had no time to lose. I climbed the staircase, while looking at my watch. I was doomed, there was no more hope, it was almost 9 a.m., I was an hour late. I rushed towards my room and knocked at the door. Taking a deep breath, while waiting for the teacher to give me any form of acknowledgment to enter the room, I finally entered.

” Ahhh, HypoG, how nice of you to join us, I’m glad you could make it 20 minutes before the class ends ,”…she said with a wicked smile…..

To be continued

Sternocleidomastoid (SCM) Syndrome is a dangerous disease that has the potential to be fatal. Millions of dollars worth of funds were poured into the USCMA-RC (United Sternocleidomastoid Association-Russian Chapter) to study, fathom and to find a prophylactic measure to stop this disease from spreading altogether.

Research was conducted on 3 different specimens exposed to almost similar environmental conditions, with exceptions in certain factors beyond control (Hygienic factors, Sexual Activity, etc). Infact, the only controlled factor was the amount of time each specimen was exposed to the few known causative agents of SCM Syndrome (Lectures & Class Rooms).

SCM Syndrome, gets its name from the fact that the Sternocleidomastoid muscle is placed under heavy taxing, due to repeated nodding of the head beyond ones fatigue level. The constant nodding, with the lack of essential rest, leads to excess sacromeric constriction, leading to an exponential release of sacromeric actin capping protein which somehow mysteriously screws up the muscle causing uncontrollable nodding. Loss of feeling (pain, warmth, etc) towards the lateral ends of the neck, and elevated pain below the jaw are also common symptoms.

There has been a strange trait in accordance to the spreading of SCM Syndrome. It seems carriers of the KCS genes are far more prone to suffer from SCM than one who doesn’t. Infact, a person without the KCS gene may live a life free of SCM Syndrome, with a 0% risk factor. KCS genes are known to be recessive, and X linked, but ONLY express their trait when paired with another X chromosome with the same gene, and as thus, men may only be carriers and exhibit none of the SCM Syndrome traits. As a result, this disease, at this point of time, is only known to affect women.

When asked, at what age does the KCS gene express its traits, scientists were perplexed that it varies, and may start from the tender age of 5. The most logical solution seems to be that the moment a female specimen is exposed to a few other members of the same species, in any educational institute, the KCS gene has a quadrupled probability of expressing its trait. The youngest documented case (though unproven) is 4 years old.

In regards to whether the SCM Syndrome being contagious, scientists were not able to give a straight answer. It seems that the more developed the SCM Syndrome is in an individual, there is a high likelihood that they will spread the disease faster than one who is still in the developing stages of the disease. The disease has been known to take years to fully mature before it becomes truly fatal. Terminal Stages of SCM Syndrome is very easy to diagnose, as the body loses complete control of the sternocleidomastoid muscle, and any impulses generated towards it creates a self-sustaining impulse reaction that continuously opens and closes Na+ gated channels, causing rapid constriction and relaxation. This is much akin to an infinite ripple effect. The easiest way to confirm the terminal stage is to simply explain a completely new fact, or situation to the patient. You will notice an increase in their nodding, as if to imply they’re well familiar with the issue, and need no further elaboration. The easy way to prove that the patient does not know the issue in question is by simply making up a fact and watch the nodding commence (I.E. Sacromeric Actin Capping Protein screwing up muscles).

Unfortunately, SCM Syndrome, in its terminal stages, has NO KNOWN CURE. There have been cases of patients in extreme situations suffering from SCM euthanized. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends euthanasia to those suffering from severe SCM Syndrome, and suicide for those who cannot afford hospitalization fees for euthanasia. Scientists have confirmed that SCM Syndrome may be eradicated at its developing stages through intense physical therapy. Whenever the patient exhibits any of the known symptoms (e.g. Nod Head excessively, annoy you with nodding, and all-around know-it-all attitude), swiftly administer a tight slap onto their cheek. It is of utmost importance, your hand print makes its mark on their cheek. Such a counter towards the symptoms of SCM Syndrome would induce a reverse neuronic impulse, and the success of the treatment can be visualized by formation of water droplets around the eye. On a scale to measure the effectiveness of the treatment applied, the higher amount of water droplet formation around the eye would indicate a more effective treatment.

It is our sincere hope, from the research bureau of USCMA-RC that women everywhere, take specific steps, to ensure SCM Syndrome does not take over their lives. We hope the information we have passed out will help you lead a healthy, safe life, free from SCM Syndrome. If you have any questions, regarding SCM Syndrome, or would like to pose a question not answered in the above statement, feel free to ask us, via comment and we shall get back to you as soon as possible. We shall now leave you with some famous SCM Syndrome patients in History :-

M.Qi -> Mastered SCM Syndrome around the age of 18, showing terminal symptoms at age 21/22.

M.Samy -> While the disease has not progressed in this person to the extent that it has with M.Qi, the disease is significantly developed in her. Her symptoms are getting worst day by day.

KCS1 -> Due to her young age, she has yet to fully express the gene. However, recent development has shown that she may afterall suffer from this disease real soon.

Names withheld to protect the affected,

Yang Menjalankan Tugas,

HypoG