Tag Archives: appearances

The Reason I Will Die Alone With 28 Dogs Waiting to Devour Me

  By judene | September 1, 2010 - 11:25 pm | Out of the Blue
4 Comments

I’m not trying to be pessimistic or anything. I’m quite convinced that if I made a conscious effort, I could get laid. The problem is, a conscious effort is too much work.

I wasn’t really planning to dedicate a whole post to this topic, because we both know it deserves a three-volume book, but this is funny and I really owe Cheryl a post. After all, the woman is nice enough to visit everyday. đŸ™‚

Here’s the thing.

I was travelling from Kuala Lumpur to Moscow last week, with a 5-hour stopover at Dubai International Airport. Seeing that I didn’t get much sleep on the way there, as soon as I disembarked the plane, I went to my usual spot where not many people sit, turned my laptop bag into a makeshift pillow and knocked out. Glorious, glorious sleep…

After about three hours, I woke up realizing that due to being so tired, I had slept with my mouth WIDE open. Eyes still closed, I was silently cursing at my utter lame-ness. I should have kept my eyes closed. I opened them to find a very attractive guy sitting next to me. Thankfully, we were a chair apart, but my face was towards him and I did not know how long he had been sitting there. For all I know, I had been showing him my wisdom teeth for the past hour. To any other person, it would have looked something like this:

A Non-artist's impression

Once I had attempted to gracefully sit in the chair and revive my almost dead right arm, I noticed that the cutie was working on a presentation about Turner’s Syndrome. Oh dear Lord, don’t tell me he’s smart, too?! I couldn’t even PRETEND  to be clever, all I had was my diary and a novel called “Llama Parlour”. Thankfully, my misery and mental self-abuse was halted by him getting up to board his flight to Dusseldorf.

Why couldn’t I be the kind of chick whose blouse opens up to reveal a super sexy bra as she sleeps, instead of ME?

Point Yet To Be Determined

  By judene | August 10, 2010 - 8:04 pm | Out of the Blue
1 Comment

Honest to God, I really want to write a proper post. I really want to blog. Unfortunately, I feel like a has-been pop-star trying to churn out anything possible just to get noticed. I have ideas for posts, but all my material is in Moscow, or the timing isn’t right for whatever I want to write. With that said, all I’m left with are randoms.

  1. My doctor has a brilliant way of saying I put on weight. Brace yourself for this one. “It’s gotten harder to find your vein, eh?”
  2. My facial wasn’t as embarrassing as it was last year. At least, this year my face was “quite okay”. Last year, the beautician was stuttering when she wanted to tell me that my face was ” actually..uh..well..um..quite..aah…not so good lah”. I’m sure what she meant to say was, ” You ogress, I’d rather exfoliate the rear end of a Sumatran rhinoceros than touch your skin.”
  3. My hair. It’s official: I need hair loss shampoo and hair friggin’ tonic. I have the hairstyling regime of a middle-aged man. Seriously, if you’re observant enough, you’ll realize that my bangs are actually a comb-over. This is called karma kicking me in the follicles for laughing at my Pure Math teacher in college and teasing Abilash.
  4. Isn’t it kinda funny how people rate one’s worth and level of integrity with the activity of their genitals? I mean, think about it. Just because some chick likes to be physical, she’s automatically not respectable? What if she helps out  charitable associations without bragging about it, or works hard to earn an honest living to support her family? That doesn’t count for anything? All that matters is that she likes to put out?
  5. How do we decide who is worth impressing and to what extent do we go to impress them? How much has to go wrong before we cut our losses and move on? Should we even bother with impressing people? How do we tell whether we are being ourselves or subconsciously trying to impress others?

Feel free to answer anything that ends with a question mark. I like answers.