The Crazy Wench

Don’t some things just make you shake your head in awe? For instance, all the backup systems in our body to keep us alive, the way the flowers in Russia bloom in time for spring despite having about 5 months of cold and snow.. that kinda stuff. There are also people that never cease to amaze. I sure know of  a few!

1. My uncle who has some sort of built-in radar in his brain that beeps every time I sleep. That’s his cue to call me. It’s unbelievable, really. He normally calls me at 4 or 5a.m. on a Sunday just because it’s amusing. He’s all wide awake in Malaysia after Sunday Mass and he thinks it’s fun to call me to ask, “Hey! Are you sleeping?” While that is not an example of his radar working, I can find no other explanation for him calling me specifically on the day I miss class, when I’m still asleep. There’s also the time he called me when I was 30 minutes into my afternoon nap. Seriously? What is UP with him?

2. The Minkuses of the world. For those who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, shame on you for not watching Boy Meets World. Fine, I’ll tell you. Stuart Minkus was this character in the show who spent about 60% of his time in class with his hand raised. I’m sure we’ve all had our share of them in class, the extremely eager kid who either wanted to answer every question within earshot, or wanted to question every statement made within earshot. You’d think that by the time a person reaches adulthood, they’d stop. Naaaah.

Everyone should try this sometime, either during class, or a meeting, maybe even during a seminar or lecture. This is a sure time-killer during boredom. Keep count of the number of times the Minkus in your gathering speaks out, be it to ask a question or to make a statement.

3. People who can express their festering hate for a person, detail for almost an hour about how they loathe the person, why the person deserves a slow, painful death and as soon as the target shows up, they’re the most beautiful, witty, fun, cool creature gracing the planet. Before you can wrap your head around what’s happening, plans for a shopping trip and a slumber party have been made. BFF for this life and the next seven, baby. Seriously, this doesn’t count as dissociative identity disorder?

I’ll assume that three counts as a few, and end here for today.

For those who have not seen a fake orgasm, go watch “When Harry Met Sally”. It’s classic.

What’s a fake bitchfit? A person (namely, me) ranting about little things that don’t matter and isn’t really that cheesed off.

My list:

1. Therapy cycle has begun. It’s not really that bad, it just means that I have to eliminate sleep, laundry, and a couple of daily meals to pass the class.
2. The Making-Out Couple that’s also having Therapy now. I’m guessing I’d be less annoyed if the dude of the couple was a dim wart, instead of the teacher’s pet that he is. Ugh. It’s unfair that he has time to study AND get laid.
3. The shorts that I bought for bedtime. They’re a little more….snug that I’d hoped they would be. On the bright side, if there’s anyone I’d like to murder, I’ll just have to stand in front of them in my “Daisy Dukes”.
4. Student body elections. Dodgy and boring.
5. The absence of my parcel. The primary reason I bought shorts that can masquerade as underwear.

I stand corrected. If this is a fake bitchfit, Meg Ryan was way funnier.

As February draws to a close (there’s only a week left, you know), it’s high time I note how eventful the month has been and will continue to be.

February marks the beginning of my second semester, and it began with Obstetrics. For many years, I’ve dabbled with the idea of specializing in this field. Now that I’ve been through five weeks of class (this includes my first sem), I’ve decided that Obstetrics is probably not my thing. A good indication would be me passing out during a Cesarean section. In my defense, the surgeon was pulling the baby out with a forceps while his assistant was prying the woman’s uterine walls apart with her hands. Poor baby. The huge bugger (4kgs) was practically oozing stress. I also understand why many female obstetricians opt out of motherhood. Gosh, the number of things that can go wrong….no wonder it’s called “the miracle of birth”.

February 14th was the double whammy of Chinese New Year and St.Valentine’s Day. Theoretically,neither celebration has anything to do with me, but I’m Malaysian (any public holiday is my public holiday) and opinionated. As such, I’m obliged to say a few words.

Chinese New Year is awesome because there’s food involved, and this time around it’s the year of the Tiger. Grrr. Although I’m an Ox and am bound to be bitten in the ass by the Tiger, I’m looking into experiences in the previous year of the Tiger to predict my upcoming year. Let’s see: short, fat, braces, class full of bullies, awful clothes, The Moffatts, Mix FM…Um, maybe not so awesome after all.

Valentine’s Day was as uneventful as ever, which didn’t quite matter because I don’t care much for it anyway. I mean, just because some priest was romantic at heart and went around marrying off people who weren’t supposed to be married, and then got killed for it does not make it perfectly okay to force guys of, oh I don’t know, 17 CENTURIES later to buy overpriced flowers, trinkets and gourmet dinners on the 14th of February. It just doesn’t feel right to MAKE a person be all lovey dovey on one specific day. Shouldn’t “Valentine’s Day” be on any day a person feels like it? I know some girls are thinking, ‘well, the guys aren’t the only ones making an effort. We do our fair share.” Let’s be honest. Most guys don’t give a toss. And a fraction of the guys who do are either recipients of positive reinforcement for remembering (i.e got lucky) or they’ve been conditioned by the trauma of forgetting whilst with previous girlfriends.

February has also ushered in good ol’ Lent. It’s amazing how not eating red meat and poultry is an effortless task during any day except the ones between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. However, I’ve been good for the past two Lenten periods and I intend to continue this streak for this year as well. I’ve got a strategy; sell myself short. Whenever I tell myself that I probably can’t make it, and that I should take each day as it comes, it works out fine. Hopefully, now that I’ve made it public, I’ve not jinxed the whole thing.

As this is being written, Defender of the Fatherland Day a.k.a Mens’ Day has not arrived, but the 4-day weekend that accompanies it already has. This holiday promises plans of a Chinese New Year semi-open house, futsal league (My Dn’C jersey is washed, the boys had better do it proud by winning their match), a Chinese restaurant lunch and studying for a replacement class.

Perhaps it’s because February is so short that it feels like it is bursting with life, but I refuse to question anything that gives me a reason to blog.