We’ve Been Told We’re Worth It

Women are a funny bunch. I should know, I am one.  Many guys I know are usually baffled by how we work, but just ride the wave because it’s easier than trying to figure us out.

I roughly know what the usual stereotypes are about women; we don’t say what we mean, we can have bitchfits at the drop of a hat, we have a pseudo sense of direction etc. What caught my eye recently, however, was a blog post about how women have too much stuff. My first thought was, ‘NOOOOOOOO we don’t.’

After the reading the post, I went to my cupboard and inspected my stuff. It all seemed pretty reasonable, but it DID resemble the picture the writer had posted along with the piece he had written.

Determined to prove that there’s a logical explanation behind every tube, bottle and jar, here I am, explaining why we have the amount that we do. At the very least, why I have what I have and maybe some women will agree with me. Here we go:

Moisturisers

I have one for the day, one for the night, a generic moisturiser for the days I’m too lazy to do the whole toner-hydrating serum-moisturiser regime, body butter, and a “heavy” moisturiser for my elbows and knees.

Why so many, you ask? Contrary to what many guys believe, skin may be just skin, but some areas have thinner skin than others, making it more sensitive. That’s why we have different creams for different body parts. You wouldn’t use a harsh bar of soap for your handsome face, would you? Wait, don’t answer that.

Pre-wash Hair Products

Okay, there are two types of hair oil and a homemade hair mask made of rice and mung beans. Hair oil is a very Indian thing to have, I suppose. While not many Indian girls my age use hair oil, many don’t suffer with a 3-finger wide ‘hair parting’ the way I do, either. I’ve got two different oils because both are good, and two good things should make a better thing, right? The hair mask is another traditional thing. All I know is, my Nanna used to apply it to my hair when I was a kid and I never had any comb-overs.

Foot Care

Bath salts, foot scrubber, pumice and peppermint exfoliating cream.

I’ve seen what happens to feet that don’t get the treatment they deserve. You are either capable of not noticing when you walk out of the house barefoot, or you spend almost 2 hours at a pedicure with the poor woman doing all she can to make your feet appear humanlike while she wonders how she has sinned to deserve a client like you.

I must admit, I have the bath salts only because they smell nice.

Hairbrushes and Combs

Yes, even the woman who has approximately 400 strands of hair thinks that she needs more than one comb. I have two hair brushes with identical properties and a wide-toothed comb. The comb is to detangle the wet hair before blow-drying, one hair brush is to blow dry my hair and the other brush is to style my hair after I dry it because all the static from the previous brush will just fuck up the styling process. See? Not that complicated, right?  *snort*

Miscellaneous Products

This is usually a result of my inability to say, “No.”  Yes, I plan to make that my selling point at clubs, but that’s beside the point.

I have a ‘Bi-phasic Hydrating Serum’ that I have to put on before I apply my moisturiser because apparently, my skin is SO dry that the moisturiser can’t be absorbed by my cells. Magically enough, this miracle serum can bust through my Sahara-like skin and make me look so dewy fresh that you could mistake my face for a blade of grass at dawn.

If you think that’s silly, you should know about my ‘Shaping Facial-Lift Lipo-drain Serum’. The kind aesthetician  at Clarins explained to me that by applying this cream and holding my face is various ways that usually make me look like I’m mourning the loss of a fingernail, I can get rid of the chubby cheeks and double-chin that I’m genetically predisposed with.  You know, the very same cheeks that my UK –Size-8 mother has. In my defence, I really needed to wee and saying ‘yes’ to the lady ensured I didn’t leave a puddle on her recently waxed floor.

I am well aware that guys may have some sort of way to minimize our possessions by 60% (e.g. use more cream on the thicker skin, use less of the same cream on thinner skin or some nonsense like that), but that’s not what we want. If we had any less that what we have now, we’d probably think we’re punishing ourselves. It’s a girl thing.

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY!