An Open Letter To My Cold

Dear Cold,

Every year, you visit me for a week. Although you have never been welcome, you’ve always known that by the 6th day, your bags ought to be packed so that on the 7th, you can go make someone else’s life miserable.

This year, your timing has been awful and you’ve been the most unpleasant guest. It’s Day 7, what the FUCK are you still doing here?!!

You come waltzing in just when I have plans. Everything was going well. Classes had begun and I was being somewhat disciplined. I had my strategy all out for my mission: to be able to pull this look off

Laugh all you want, Cold. It was working out great, then you came along. Thanks to you, I’ve consumed more food in one meal than I normally do in a whole day. After eating that much, you’re probably pleased to know that I can’t reach my toes anymore, much less exercise.Feed the cold, starve the fever. MY ASS.

I tried being nice. I thought I’d ease you out gently with lots of fluids, hot showers and rest. I even laid off meds. But NOOOOOO…. you just have to be the purulent nightmare that you are. You’ve made my hair fall, my skin dry and my voice hoarse (not in that sexy Sophia Bush way, either).

You know what? SCREW YOU. Screw you and the mucus you bring. Try overstaying your welcome. I dare you.

I will flush you out with my arsenal of weapons. Don’t think for one moment that just because it’s Lent and I can’t have chicken soup or sambal that you are spared from my wrath. Sure, my immune system appears to still be on a break but I have money and access to nasal sprays. Plus I have a fresh batch of Vaporub.

You’ll be sorry, Cold.

Sincerely,

Sasha “Tonsil-free” Zuleika

February; Labor, Love and Lent

As February draws to a close (there’s only a week left, you know), it’s high time I note how eventful the month has been and will continue to be.

February marks the beginning of my second semester, and it began with Obstetrics. For many years, I’ve dabbled with the idea of specializing in this field. Now that I’ve been through five weeks of class (this includes my first sem), I’ve decided that Obstetrics is probably not my thing. A good indication would be me passing out during a Cesarean section. In my defense, the surgeon was pulling the baby out with a forceps while his assistant was prying the woman’s uterine walls apart with her hands. Poor baby. The huge bugger (4kgs) was practically oozing stress. I also understand why many female obstetricians opt out of motherhood. Gosh, the number of things that can go wrong….no wonder it’s called “the miracle of birth”.

February 14th was the double whammy of Chinese New Year and St.Valentine’s Day. Theoretically,neither celebration has anything to do with me, but I’m Malaysian (any public holiday is my public holiday) and opinionated. As such, I’m obliged to say a few words.

Chinese New Year is awesome because there’s food involved, and this time around it’s the year of the Tiger. Grrr. Although I’m an Ox and am bound to be bitten in the ass by the Tiger, I’m looking into experiences in the previous year of the Tiger to predict my upcoming year. Let’s see: short, fat, braces, class full of bullies, awful clothes, The Moffatts, Mix FM…Um, maybe not so awesome after all.

Valentine’s Day was as uneventful as ever, which didn’t quite matter because I don’t care much for it anyway. I mean, just because some priest was romantic at heart and went around marrying off people who weren’t supposed to be married, and then got killed for it does not make it perfectly okay to force guys of, oh I don’t know, 17 CENTURIES later to buy overpriced flowers, trinkets and gourmet dinners on the 14th of February. It just doesn’t feel right to MAKE a person be all lovey dovey on one specific day. Shouldn’t “Valentine’s Day” be on any day a person feels like it? I know some girls are thinking, ‘well, the guys aren’t the only ones making an effort. We do our fair share.” Let’s be honest. Most guys don’t give a toss. And a fraction of the guys who do are either recipients of positive reinforcement for remembering (i.e got lucky) or they’ve been conditioned by the trauma of forgetting whilst with previous girlfriends.

February has also ushered in good ol’ Lent. It’s amazing how not eating red meat and poultry is an effortless task during any day except the ones between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. However, I’ve been good for the past two Lenten periods and I intend to continue this streak for this year as well. I’ve got a strategy; sell myself short. Whenever I tell myself that I probably can’t make it, and that I should take each day as it comes, it works out fine. Hopefully, now that I’ve made it public, I’ve not jinxed the whole thing.

As this is being written, Defender of the Fatherland Day a.k.a Mens’ Day has not arrived, but the 4-day weekend that accompanies it already has. This holiday promises plans of a Chinese New Year semi-open house, futsal league (My Dn’C jersey is washed, the boys had better do it proud by winning their match), a Chinese restaurant lunch and studying for a replacement class.

Perhaps it’s because February is so short that it feels like it is bursting with life, but I refuse to question anything that gives me a reason to blog. :)

The Fine Wine List

I like men. That may be putting it mildly, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I like many different sorts of men, but my absolute favourite group is the one that consists of awkward, gangly young dudes who look more and more like manly men ( as the K-Pop Addict would put it, Cervix Punchers) as time passes. These men are the ones who make the fine wine list.

Truthfully, there are a number of guys who make the list (mainly because I’m not particularly fussy), but although compiling names and looking for “Before” and “Now” pictures was a great break time activity, once my exams were over the thrill of the search was gone and I got lazy. So, what could have easily been a drool-worthy list of ten to fifteen gorgeous creations is now a lip-licking list of four. I know, I know. Even I don’t like myself for being such a lazy twat.

Usually, I’d gush over these fellas and give a detailed explanation as to why I’ve picked them, but I think the pictures will do enough justice. Here we go!

1. Gerard Butler

Butler during his Phantom singing days

Butler during his Phantom singing days

Look what a few years and major working out can do:

The cause of racing hearts and busted eye capillaries

The cause of racing hearts and busted eye capillaries

2. Daniel Henney

Okay, not many people know him but thanks to his “fine wine” gene, he’s getting noticed more. Really, I wouldn’t ever give this a second glance:

Even the happy trail is doing nothing for me

Even the happy trail is doing nothing for me

This chap (thankfully) has realized that less is more and over time has stopped trying too hard, resulting in this:

Only an artist like God can create such luscious lips...

Only an artist like God can create such luscious lips...

3. Ryan Reynolds

We all know him from his Van Wilder and Two Guys and a Girl (sitcom, not porn) antics. Sure, he was always getting the girls and was portrayed as the dude who always landed on his feet, but not because of his looks. No, no…it was his ability to churn out all those lines without looking like a giant corn cob. I mean, if this guy came up to you and didn’t say a word, what would you do?

Add a couple of zits and you'll have your average high school geek

Add a couple of zits and you'll have your average high school geek

But if THIS man looked at you from a across a room, don’t you think you’d sweat out about 47% of your bodily fluids? I know I’d be admitted for severe dehydration…

A testament to the perks of growing older

A testament to the perks of growing older

4. Jay Sean

OKAY. I admit, he’s the whole reason this list business came about. I wanted an excuse to put his picture up on my blog, since he’s become the latest victim of my fan-girling habit. Some (i.e. anyone who’s known him since ‘Eyes On You’ was released in 2003) may consider me extremely outdated. In my defense, he used to look like this:

Can you say, "Wannabe"?

Can you say, "Wannabe"?

The hair, the pose….everything screamed “Schoolboy!”. And he was in his early 20’s. He was cute, and that was all. If anyone remembers his video for the song ‘Stolen’, they’d probably remember Bipasha Basu looking like a paedophile with him as her date. If he’d looked like this back then….well, this post wouldn’t exist. Behold:

He makes me misspell "H-A-W-T"

He makes me misspell "H-A-W-T"

And there you have it, a glimpse of the Fine Wine List. I really do wish I had the focus to do right by the men who deserve to be up here and aren’t, but it’s not my fault my exams are done with and I have no reason to procrastinate.